He was the victim of hypocrites and humbugs. There
was 'no sort of parallel to all this in history-- except David
with Uriah the Hittite'; but then 'there was an Eve in the case',
and he was not aware that the Government had even that excuse.
From the past, he turned to the future, and surveyed, with a
disturbed and piercing vision, the possibilities before him.
Supposing that the relief expedition arrived, what would be his
position? Upon one thing he was determined: whatever happened, he
would not play the part of 'the rescued lamb'. He vehemently
asserted that the purpose of the expedition could only be the
relief of the Sudan garrisons; it was monstrous to imagine that
it had been undertaken merely to ensure his personal safety. He
refused to believe it. In any case, 'I declare POSITIVELY,' he
wrote, with passionate underlinings. 'AND ONCE FOR ALL, THAT I
WILL NOT LEAVE THE SUDAN UNTIL EVERY ONE WHO WANTS TO GO DOWN IS
GIVEN THE CHANCE TO DO SO, UNLESS a government is established
which relieves me of the charge; therefore, if any emissary or
letter comes up here ordering me to comedown, I WILL NOT OBEY IT,
BUT WILL STAY HERE AND FALL WITH THE TOWN, AND RUN ALL RISKS'.
This was sheer insubordination, no doubt; but he could not help
that; it was not in his nature to be obedient. 'I know if I was
chief, I would never employ myself, for I am incorrigible.
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