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Hichens, Robert Smythe, 1864-1950

"A Spirit in Prison"


"I needed the tender, passing touch to show me my secret grief was
understood, and my inconsistency was pardoned. I needed the generous
smile to prove to me that my greed for kindness, even when perhaps
inopportune, was met in an ungrudging spirit. I needed now and then--I
needed this sometimes terribly, more, perhaps, than any other thing--a
sacrifice of some very small, very personal desire of yours, because
it was not mine or because it was opposite to mine. Never, never, did
my heart and my nature demand of yours any great sacrifice of self,
such as mine could have made--such as mine once did make--for you. But
it did demand, often--often it demanded some small sacrifice: the
giving up of some trifle, the resignation of some advantage, perhaps,
that your man's intellect gave you over my woman's intellect, the
abandoning of some argumentative position, or the not taking of it,
the sweet pretence--scarcely a sin against the Holy Ghost of truth!--
that I was a tiny bit more persuasive, or more clear-sighted, or more
happy in some contention, or more just in some decision, than perhaps
I really was.


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