Her
body felt ill, she thought; though she knew there was nothing the
matter with her. All through her life her health had been robust.
Never yet had she completely "broken down." She told herself that her
body was perfectly well.
But she was afraid. That was the truth. And to feel fear was specially
hateful to her, because she abhorred cowardice, and was inclined to
despise all timidity as springing from weakness of character.
She dreaded reaching Mergellina. She dreaded seeing this woman,
Ruffo's mother. And Ruffo? Did she dread seeing him?
She fought against her fear. Whatever might befall her she would
remain herself, essentially separate from all other beings and from
events, secure of the tremendous solitude that is the property of
every human being on earth.
"Pain, misery, horror, come from within, not from without." She said
that to herself steadily. "I am free so long as I choose, so long as I
have the courage to choose, to be free."
And saying that, and never once allowing her mind to state frankly any
fear, she came down to the harbor of Mergellina.
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