The misgiving that
with a little more courage and patience on her part, it might have
terminated differently, only added to her misery.
She felt like a coward when she went to Goldsmith and demanded to be
sent out on the road, and she experienced for a while, the utter
demoralization of cowardice. The logic of the situation told her to stay
where she was. If it were true, as she had fiercely told him that night,
that their life together was ended, the whole fabric that they had woven
for themselves rent clean across, then the only thing for her to do was
to begin living now, as she had made an effort to do before, quite
without reference to him, ordering her own existence as if he had ceased
to exist; stick to whatever offered herself, Doris Dane, the best chance
for success and advancement. She was, of course, seriously injuring
Doris Dane's chances by going out on the road.
And, even with reference to Rodney, it was hard to see how her flight
could help the situation. If what she'd done had really disgraced him in
his own eyes and in those of his world, the disgrace was already
complete.
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