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"That's one of the things that
makes us so cruel to each other when we talk--fear. The world's a
terrible place to me, Roddy. I've never ventured out alone in it; not a
step. A year ago, I don't think I'd have been so frightened. I didn't
know then--I'd never really thought about it--what a hard dangerous
thing it is, just to earn enough to keep yourself alive. I haven't any
illusions now that it's easy--not after the things I've heard Barry Lake
tell about. But sometimes I think you're more afraid than I; and that
you've got a more intolerable thing to fear--ridicule--an intangible
sort of pitying ridicule that you can't get hold of; guessing at the
sort of things people will say and never really quite knowing. And we
have each got the other's fear to suffer under, too.--Oh, Roddy, Roddy,
don't hate me too bitterly ...! But I think if we can both endure it,
stand the gaff, as you said once, and know that the other's standing it,
too, perhaps that'll be the real beginning of the new life.


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