"As concerns the good which I may
appear to do, I have no faith in it. It must needs be a
delusion. What can a ruined soul like mine effect towards the
redemption of other souls?--or a polluted soul towards their
purification? And as for the people's reverence, would that it
were turned to scorn and hatred! Canst thou deem it, Hester, a
consolation that I must stand up in my pulpit, and meet so many
eyes turned upward to my face, as if the light of heaven were
beaming from it!--must see my flock hungry for the truth, and
listening to my words as if a tongue of Pentecost were
speaking!--and then look inward, and discern the black reality
of what they idolise? I have laughed, in bitterness and agony of
heart, at the contrast between what I seem and what I am! And
Satan laughs at it!"
"You wrong yourself in this," said Hester gently. "You have
deeply and sorely repented. Your sin is left behind you in the
days long past. Your present life is not less holy, in very
truth, than it seems in people's eyes. Is there no reality in
the penitence thus sealed and witnessed by good works? And
wherefore should it not bring you peace?"
"No, Hester--no!" replied the clergyman.
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