I know a catfish differs from a seamew;
I don't expect Bellaggio at Belleek;
I know a cassowary from an emu;
But I cannot tell a bubble from a squeak.
I'm acquainted with the works of HENRY PURZELL
(My mastery of spelling is unique);
I repeat, I know a mangel from a wurzel;
But I cannot tell a bubble from a squeak.
I'm proficient both in jotting and in tittling;
I know a certain cure for boots that creak;
I can see through Mr. KEYNES and _Mr. Britling_;
But I cannot tell a bubble from a squeak.
I can always tell a _hari_ from a _kari_
("_Harakiri_" is a silly pedant's freak);
I can tell the style of CAINE from that of MARIE;
But I cannot tell a bubble from a squeak.
I never take a DEELEY for a DOOLEY;
I never take a putter for a cleek;
I never talk of HEALY, meaning HOOLEY;
But I cannot tell a bubble from a squeak.
I understand the sense of "oils are spotty";
I know the height of Siniolchum's peak;
I know that some may think my ditty dotty;
But I cannot tell a bubble from a squeak.
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