He had joined Pompey with confessed
reluctance, and family quarrels had followed on Pompey's defeat. His
brother Quintus, whom he had drawn away from Caesar, regretted having
taken his advice. His sons and nephews were equally querulous and
dissatisfied; and for himself, he dared not appear in the streets of
Brindisi, lest Caesar's soldiers should insult or injure him. Antony,
however, encouraged him to hope. He assured him that Caesar was well
disposed to him, and would not only pardon him, but would show him every
possible favor,[10] and with these expectations he contrived for a while
to comfort himself. He had regarded the struggle as over, and Caesar's
side as completely victorious. But gradually the scene seemed to change.
Caesar was long in returning. The optimates rallied in Africa, and there
was again a chance that they might win after all. His first thought was
always for himself. If the constitution survived under Caesar, as he was
inclined to think that in some shape it would, he had expected that a
place would be found in it for him.[11] But how if Caesar himself should
not survive? How if he should be killed in Alexandria? How if he should be
defeated by Metellus Scipio? He described himself as excruciated with
anxiety.[12] Through the year which followed he wavered from day to day
as the prospect varied, now cursing his folly for having followed the
Senate to Greece, now for having deserted them, blaming himself at one
time for his indecision, at another for having committed himself to either
side.
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