For myself I could hope nothing from the
overthrow of it, and much if a remnant could be saved.... And I thought it
likely that, after that decisive battle, the victors would consider the
welfare of the public, and that the vanquished would consider their own."
_To Varro_.[9]
"You were absent [at the critical moment]. I for myself perceived that our
friends wanted war, and that Caesar did not want it, but was not afraid of
it. Thus much of human purpose was in the matter. The rest came
necessarily; for one side or the other would, of course, conquer. You and
I both grieved to see how the State would suffer from the loss of either
army and its generals; we knew that victory in a civil war was itself a
most miserable disaster. I dreaded the success of those to whom I had
attached myself. They threatened most cruelly those who had stayed quietly
at home. Your sentiments and my speeches were alike hateful to them. If
our side had won, they would have shown no forbearance."
_To Marcus Marius_.[10]
"When you met me on the 13th of May (49), you were anxious about the part
which I was to take. If I stayed in Italy, you feared that I should be
wanting in duty. To go to the war you thought dangerous for me. I was
myself so disturbed that I could not tell what it was best for me to do. I
consulted my reputation, however, more than my safety; and if I afterwards
repented of my decision it was not for the peril to myself, but on account
of the state of things which I found on my arrival at Pompey's camp.
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