He had been named
imperator by his soldiers in the field after an action in which he had
commanded; he had been flattering himself with the prospect of a triumph,
and had laid up money to meet the cost of it. The quarrel between the two
great men whom he had so long feared and flattered, and the necessity
which might be thrown on him of declaring publicly on one side or the
other, agitated him terribly. In October, as he was on his way home, he
expressed his anxieties with his usual frankness to Atticus.
"Consider the problem for me," he said, "as it affects myself: you advised
me to keep on terms both with Pompey and Caesar. You bade me adhere to one
because he had been good to me, and to the other because he was strong. I
have done so. I so ordered matters that no one could be dearer to either
of them than I was. I reflected thus: while I stand by Pompey, I cannot
hurt the Commonwealth; if I agree with Caesar, I need not quarrel with
Pompey; so closely they appeared to be connected. But now they are at a
sharp issue. Each regards me as his friend, unless Caesar dissembles;
while Pompey is right in thinking that what he proposes I shall approve. I
heard from both at the time at which I heard from you. Their letters were
most polite. What am I to do? I don't mean in extremities. If it comes to
fighting, it will be better to be defeated with one than to conquer with
the other.
Pages:
454
455
456
457
458
459
460
461
462
463
464
465
466
467
468
469
470
471
472
473
474
475
476
477
478