Some private correspondence preceded his change of
sides. He consulted Atticus, and had received characteristic and cautious
advice from him. He described in reply his internal struggles, the
resolution at which he had arrived, and the conclusion which he had formed
upon his own past conduct.
"I am chewing what I have to swallow," he said. "Recantation does not seem
very creditable; but adieu to straightforward, honest counsels. You would
not believe the perfidy of these chiefs; as they wish to be, and what they
might be if they had any faith in them. I had felt, I had known, that I
was being led on by them, and then deserted and cast off; and yet I
thought of making common cause with them. They were the same which they
had always been. You made me see the truth at last. You will say you
warned me. You advised what I should do, and you told me not to write to
Caesar. By Hercules! I wished to put myself in a position where I should
be obliged to enter into this new coalition, and where it would not be
possible for me, even if I desired it, to go with those who ought to pity
me, and, instead of pity, give me grudging and envy. I have been moderate
in what I have written. I shall be more full if Caesar meets me
graciously; and then those gentlemen who are so jealous that I should have
a decent house to live in will make a wry face.
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